How to keep a family together after a Divorce
The biggest misconception about divorce is that there is no longer a family. The parents in the family may not be together anymore but they will never be out of each other’s lives. What happens after a divorce is crucial for the development of the children involved.
There are things that both parents need to decide on, schools and extracurricular activities need to be chosen, homework needs to be monitored and transferred between houses.
Peaceful co-parenting is the best thing a couple can do for their children. Through your parenting partnership your kids should see that they are the most important things to you, that your love for them is bigger than anything else going on between you and your spouse.
Kids whose parents have amicable relationships feel secure, benefit from consistency, have a better understanding of problem solving, and are mentally and emotionally healthier.
Tip 1. Leave everything in the past
Successful co-parenting means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. obviously, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most important.
Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex-spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future well-being.
Tip.2 Improve communication with your ex
Peaceful, consistent, and purposeful communication with your ex is essential to the success of co-parenting—even though it may seem absolutely impossible. It all begins with your mindset.
Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: your child’s well-being. Before contact with your ex, ask yourself how your talk will affect your child, and resolve to conduct yourself with dignity. Make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner.
Remember that it isn’t always necessary to meet your ex in person—speaking over the phone or exchanging texts or emails is fine for the majority of conversations. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so see which type of contact works best for you.
Tip.3 Co-parent as a team
It’s healthy for children to be exposed to different perspectives and to learn to be flexible, but they also need to know they’re living under the same basic set of expectations at each home. Aiming for consistency between your home and your ex’s avoids confusion for your children.
Rules don’t have to be exactly the same between two households, but if you and your ex-spouse establish generally consistent guidelines, your kids won’t have to bounce back and forth between two radically different disciplinary environments. Important lifestyle rules like homework issues, curfews, and off-limit activities should be followed in both households.